When the leaves have finally fallen and the earth starts to go from bountiful colour to shades of brown and grey it makes me reflect on the past year and look to what is to come. To me, with Remembrance Day, I truly take time to remember all that the soldiers of the past and those of today did and are doing for us, but I also take time to simply remember what has occurred over the past year.
It happens every year, a time of self-reflection. Another spin around the sun, a year full of memories -- good and bad -- relationships made and some severed. What have I learned? How have those experiences changed me? How am I going to react to them, or grow from them? So many questions to ponder.
Overall, 2017 was not a great year for me. In my personal life there was a lot of sadness and hurt and heartache. That coincided wonderfully with the emotional roller coaster of excitement followed by heartache time and time and time again with regards to trying to get Hawthorn Hill Academy off the ground has been exhausting. I have been knocked down and pulled myself back up more times than I can count and it has left me battered, bruised, and hurt. It makes me second guess everything. I have always been a dreamer, but lately I find myself asking, Is this dream just too big? too unattainable? It has truly come down to the choice --- do we continue with this? or should we stop and just settle and homeschool from now on? I feel like we have sacrificed so much and put so much time, effort, energy, money, blood, sweat, and tears into this that if we were to quit now it'd all be for nothing. But if we continue like this we're just going to burn out and won't be good to anyone. Sigh. (Can't you just hear my exhaustion here?)
All of this -- the dream of starting a Waldorf School -- has been driven by two reasons:
1) I want Steiner education for my boys.
2) I want to make this type of education accessible to those who wouldn't otherwise have access to it.
It's the faces of my boys, and the kids I've come to know and love along the way that keep me going. (And a lot of coffee, oils, and Jesus!)
After a lot of prayer, and soul-searching, I have decided to give it one final push. One last chance to bring life to the dream of building and running Hawthorn Hill Academy full time. To bring Waldorf-Inspired Education to the greater Moncton area. To allow children to grow and learn and live in an environment that is loving, welcoming, and open. To "receive the children in reverence, educate them in love, and send them forth in freedom", as Steiner would say.
I read a great quote the other day that has kind of stuck with me, "If you give up now, you'll never sleep peacefully. You will always be burdened with regret. Keep going."~Megann Roxanne So, stay-tune folks. This is either the start of something great, or the beginning of the end ;)