Day 8 of his battle with leukaemia.
Today was a hard day . He had to fast all day in prep for a lumbar puncture procedure. The problem is that the steroid he is on makes him hungrier than usual, it also makes him more emotional than usual. With those two combined it was a day filled with tears for him 😞
He had another batch of chemo administered via IV around lunch time. So we’re hopeful that will kill off the remaining leukoblasts that are “so few that if it weren’t for our newest microscopes we wouldn’t see them.”
He had to have a bandage removed from his back and unfortunately due to the trauma he endured with removing sticky things off of him at the other hospital, his fear overcame his rationale today. He screamed in fear of pain. He hyperventilated. He cried & wept. He squeezed my hand so hard. He pleaded & begged for God to help him. He said “goodbye Mom” because he thought he was going to die. The psychological scars are deep & it’s absolutely heartbreaking to see him like that.
He was scared for his procedure today even though they done two before without issue. Thankfully the anesthesiologist was the same one he had the last few times— a friendly face. And the doctor who did the procedure was the doctor who has worked to build rapport & has been so kind with Lochlan over the weekend - another friendly face. The doctor recognized the fear in Lochlan & I saw his genuine concern on his face. He made it clear to the nurses to not touch Lochlan’s feet - because he knew how sensitive they were.
I got to stay with Lochlan until the anesthetic kicked in. Lochlan told everyone, “I don’t really trust you.” I had to tell him that that was ok, but I did trust them so he needed to trust me. He said, “I’m still awake…. Oh wait… I’m fading”. Then he found some much needed peace in the anesthesia.
His procedure went well. (We won’t get results until tomorrow.) He woke up starving & had a huge salad, big sandwich, & guacamole. Within an hour he was exhausted & couldn’t stay awake. So I helped him brush his teeth, put on his essential oils, & his castor oil pack, then tucked him into bed for a 5:00 bedtime.
It’s absolutely exhausting, but we move forward.
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