Lochlan and the steroids is the theme of the day again today. The mood swings are intense! From blah, and simply being, to scared, to angry, to sad all in a few blinks. And although I’m, sadly, used to it, both Mitch and Luke are not. It’s hard for a big brother to see his little brother and best buddy like that.
Today, we went to a park to get some fresh air but Lochlan’s fear of getting out of the truck into a new space took hold and when we pushed and said we’re going anyway, he screamed in rage. It scared Luke.
When we got back to the Airbnb Luke immediately went to his room and closed the door. And this is what I saw. My 12 year old, who has been trying to be so strong, let out the tears that he’s been holding in. I hugged him and cried with him, and explained why Lochlan is the way he is these days. I talked about the drugs he’s on and what they do to him. He asked questions about the treatment and life back home and it was just a good few hours of talking, learning, crying and crying some more.
When it was time for Mitch and Luke to leave, I hugged my biggest little man and cried and he squeezed back and cried too. A mom should never have to feel that. A son should never have to feel that way.
And dear little Lochlan, well, we just need to give him grace and space through this. We need to remember that it’s not him, it’s the steroids. And try to mitigate the damage, emotionally, for all of us.
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