This morning was full of horrible steroid fuelled emotions. I am his safe space so that also means his literal punching bag. I was hit, kicked and bit by the steroids … not by him, by the steroids. Followed by the wails of “Mommmmyyy. I love you so much!” 💔
Mentally he’s in a rough space. He feels so out of control, and this morning after his outburst he just felt there was no hope for living. I explained it’s been a horrible 3.5 weeks but the other 506 weeks of his life were amazing, and proceeded to show him lots of our old reels so he could be reminded of the incredible childhood he has had up to this point. He really seemed to enjoy watching them and found some peace in them.
He decided he needed to get out of the airbnb. As we are limited to being 20 minutes from the hospital the city sounds from here are super overstimulating. So my dad loaded us in his truck and we broke the rules (of remaining super close to the hospital), and drove a half hour out of town to Peggy’s Cove. The salt air, the cool foggy breeze, the sound of the waves, the surrounding forests… truly was healing. Lochlan even found his smile. He told his grandfather (who he hasn’t been talking to for days) that he loved him. He thanked me for being there with him through it all. It was such a nice break. We even stopped for ice cream on the way back.
But when we got back to the city, he started feeling anxious and thought he’d be sick in the truck. We got to the Airbnb and within 20 minutes the steroid fuelled emotions took over and he was screaming again. Thankfully I was able to distract him with food and time on the patio, a quick call to daddy and Luke, before lots of essential oils, affirmations, 528Hz frequency music, and bedtime.
It was a big day with some of the lowest lows so far, and yet some of the best highs of this journey. One more day (two more sleeps) until we go for a bloodwork appointment — if his blasts are good we get to go home. So please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we do desperately want to get back to our family and our home.
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