Day 2 of the induction phase of his leukaemia treatment was a long, boring, and uneventful one. The team of people here to make sure he is ok is so big, it can sometimes be overwhelming for Lochlan. Today the psychologist came to discuss his feelings. I could tell he was trying to be polite, when all he really wanted was to be left alone and not be asked so many questions. It’s exhausting, and only focuses on the illness rather than the healing. So after she left, he and I vented a little and then he needed to simply decompress and zone out with some TV.
Getting outside is our sanity saver. He is able to tell me how he feels when we’re out there. He told me that inside the hospital he feels “compressed”. And that sometimes he finds himself feeling sad and mad - and cant understand why this is happening to him. And my heart broke into a million pieces when he said it because I didn’t have an answer for him, and can’t make sense of it myself. But we decided we can’t dwell in those negative feelings because we have no answers and they don’t move us forward. Instead we’re trying to find the good in each day and stay positive. We found out today we can go outside a few times a day now 🙌. I saw his little spirit lift after being out in the fresh air for a while today. Nature is so healing. So far he hasn’t had any bad side effects to his chemo treatment, or his steroids. His swelling in his lymph nodes on his neck and jaw has gone down significantly, and his face is finally looking more like himself (not so puffy and swollen). He hasn’t had a fever all day (first time in 9 days) and I’m praying it stays away now so they can stop doing blood cultures and can stop the 4x a day antibiotics that he’s been on since last Monday. I’m ready to build back my baby’s gut health so he can absorb the nutrient he consumes. Overall, we’re simply trying to get through each hour, each morning/afternoon/night, each day, each week. Breaking it up makes it less daunting and gives us a light at the end of this part of the tunnel. Before bed tonight I hugged him and kissed him and he said, “Day 2 is done!” It was his own way of counting down the days until we get out of here and get home.
Comments