Lochlan started his day as he does everyday, with lots of cleansing tears. It’s as if he wakes each morning with the realization that this is really happening, that he really has cancer… that it’s not just a bad dream.
We spent lots of time outside just sitting and talking and enjoying the fresh air and homegrown grapes. He said that he needs to stop the worrying and just wait. Despite telling himself that love is bigger than fear, he still is scared beyond measure. But I told him that our love for each other is so strong that it will pull us through. Through sobs he said, “Mom, I love you so much and I can’t do this without you. You are the most important person in my life right now.” ❤️😭❤️
Over the past few weeks we have been singing a couple of songs to each other and one is If you Fall by JJ Heller. As he cried he sang the chorus to me and my heart melted and broke all at once.
Outside we watched Luke run and jump around the yard and Lochlan said that he was really happy that Luke is healthy and capable. And I explained that in time he will be right beside Luke running and jumping too. “Someday, I will.” he said.
Today he ate plenty, and we continued the detox for yesterday’s chemo with lots of liquids, essential oils, castor oil pack, etc. The steroids are giving him “moon face” and it’s heartbreaking to watch.
We also got a second car today so that Lochlan and I can have wheels for all of our trips back and forth to the hospital. Unfortunately being a one car family no longer fit our situation because we need to be able to get Lochlan to the hospital at a moments notice and if Mitch is away with the truck then it literally is life and death.
Overall, we’re hanging in there. It’s the hardest thing we’ve ever had to do, and we’re just getting started. To minimize the overwhelm we continue to remind purely to simply take it one step at a time.
Comments